TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
