I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
