I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Randomize