Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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