What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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