I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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