Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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