Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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