New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
