Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
