I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
