it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
