your parents love me but you hate me
home. puking in laundry basket.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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