You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
