I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
