I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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