Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
