I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
