Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
