He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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