I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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