he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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