i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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