Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
