i would punch a child for taco bell
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
