I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
