I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
