literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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