If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
