So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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