if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize