I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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