yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
