have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
