That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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