I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
