nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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