how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
