shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
