Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
