We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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