from now on my penis is your penis
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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