Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
