In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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