But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
