His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
