Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
