America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
