Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
