24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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