I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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