I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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