I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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