Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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