Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
