For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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