I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
