I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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