Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
