i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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