Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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