What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
