Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
