There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're making bets on your personal life
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
