im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
