youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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