I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Jerry, you need to find god
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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