Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
