I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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