you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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