I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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