I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize