"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize