I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
