Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
