My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
