If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
