1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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