3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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