So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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