Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
