Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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