I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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