What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
