just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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