whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
